Tomorrow is Easter. I know this will sound whiny and ungrateful, but I have never believed in not learning from life. The day before Easter last year was my first methotrexate shot. Which was followed by nausea and one of the worst headaches of my life. Easter I called my doctor who gave me something for the nausea and gave me the okay to take my migraine medication--which helped a little, but not enough to save Easter. And to be honest, my husband spent most of the day watching golf--so I laid in bed alone, miserable and horribly emotional. I cannot believe that was a year ago. A million miles away from where we are now....expecting our baby.
It still makes me sad and I still have no idea how I got through it---Easter was my first methotrexate shot and my 3rd shot was Mothers Day. I wonder sometimes what it would have been like to get pregnant naturally--I imagine a pregnancy that would have been organic and filled with excitement--instead of riddled with fear and the unknown.
I know this may seem insensitive, but it would be worse if I just went ahead and pretended one of our pregnancies didn't ended in a horrible and fear filled time.
Although we have come very far---and I feel absolutely blessed and believe that our baby is a miracle---there is a space in my heart for the baby that never was---
I am a 35 (almost 36) year old with a supportive and loving husband and one fabulous golden fur-baby! After many failed IUI's and a fresh IVF cycle ending in ectopic---We had a successful FET. 40 weeks of disbelief later we are parents to a beautiful baby girl--every moment I spend with our baby reminds me of how blessed and lucky we are. ...read at your own risk. Of course not one thing I write is meant to offend or upset anyone.
No comments:
Post a Comment
Note: Only a member of this blog may post a comment.