Thankful

Of course I am so thankful this year for baby H. She is absolutely the love of my life. I am truly blessed. I am = thankful for a million things --way too many to list.

Thanksgiving my mind went to all the women out there still waiting on their babies. I said a prayer in church and asked them all to hurry up to their waiting mommy's. I believe they are there in wait. I am steadfast in my belief that all people who want babies should have them. Those women are never far from my mind, ever.

Check out this movie if you haven't --not great, but it has a part that reminds me of babies in waiting.

"The only thing stronger than fear is hope"
    - The Hunger Games


The role hope plays in infertility cannot be underestimated. It seems like I was either full of hope or lacking it completely. Hope for me was like my pilot light. Always inside of me. Even when I wanted to believe it was gone. It was always there. If we had never had a baby I would have always carried it around with me. Even when I turned 100--it would have burned! I hate infertility. I wish that every person who wanted  baby could have one. I think hope is inevitable in the mind of a person facing infertility. I think it is stronger than doubt. To me hope is what keeps me going everyday. The hope that tomorrow will be better than today, my hope that I will be better everyday. And my hope that everyone who wants a baby--will have one.


"..but as for me, I will always have hope".
-Psalm 71:14

Hope springs eternal....

Baby H is a girl!  A precious little girl born on 7/6/12 @ 1:54 PM. She weighed 8 lbs 4 oz. I had a wonderful delivery via C section and the recovery was really not bad at all. Tomorrow she will be 4 weeks old! I cannot believe that. I have loved spending every day with her--even the last few nights when she has had horrible gas (HEARTBREAKING to see her struggling). I absolutely am in love with her. The second I saw her. Love. She is who I have been waiting for my whole life and now I cannot imagine my life without her.

I have to say not a day goes by that I don't think of the journey we have been on together. I look at her and I say--see those toes---we made those toes--you and me baby! We did that. Even if the clinic did most of the stuff we couldn't do. The 39 weeks she was inside me (since she was a week late)--that was all Baby H and me. Everyday I thank God for her and everyday I say a prayer for all the women out there who are still holding on to hope.


Welcome to the world little girl!

The final countdown

So we have our c section tomorrow at 11:30. We are due at the hospital at 9:30. I am not allowed to eat after midnight so I am going to eat at 11:55. I am so afraid of having a migraine. Like a morphine shot in the back, being sliced open, being numb for hours and a baby isn't scary enough! I wonder if fertiles feel this way the night before their scheduled c sections? I just have been so protective of my feelings for then last 41 weeks I am still not letting myself get too excited. Which is absolutely crazy. I mean there is a real baby in there and it is coming out! I am sure that any emotion at this point is deemed normal. which is good because I have a bunch of them. Part of me wishes we could have done this naturally so the recovery would be easier. There are not many times in your life that you are standing on the brink of something that will change your life forever and ever. Your wedding day, the day you have your first child (and other children) ...and that is really all I can think of.It is totally surreal and hard to comprehend what happens tomorrow. Welcome to the world duck butt! We have been waiting a long time for you and we cannot wait to meet you! I hope you have a safe entry and are healthy. We promise to be the best parents we can be!

Due date

And I just dont get the sense this baby wants to come out yet. We went to the doctor on Wed and he said have an ultrasound Monday and then we would decide next steps. If the baby is big (about 8.5) we would go right to c section otherwise we would induce and see what happens. I was fine with Monday, but when I called to schedule the ultrasound i found out the doc is going to be out Monday. So, our appt is Tuesday at 3!!! Which means we could be looking at 7/4. Does that mean there will be a skeleton crew on? Because I am way too high maintenance for that. July 4th does mean that we will always have our child's birthday off. I feel good though. It's a waiting game now...who knows...the baby might come on it's own??? We either have a fashionable late girl or a stubborn late boy on our hands.

Nesting is for the birds

Again, I am sure one day I will say that pregnancy went so quickly. But as of today, not so much. I don't feel uncomfortable (knock on wood). The baby feels very high and no pressure low in my uterus at all.

 My nesting impulse has kicked in and you have no idea how much I have cleaned. My poor husband. I told him our only priority is cleaning. I live in a doll house so you would think this would be easy, but I have found places I didn't even know could have dust--with dust--and a decent amount of it. I blame my dog for the dust and  for the insides of all his toys spewed all over the place. My husband and I are taking it one room at a time and then I am calling cleaning people in. Last night was our bedroom and tonight is the bathroom--wish us luck!  Nesting is like hell--because I want to stop--but I can't. Although I was so proud of us for all the work we did. I actually used a tooth brush to clean crevices. It was ugly.
I know however I leave my house when I go to the hospital--is how it will look until my child is 12.

This is my last week at work too. I have such mixed feelings because I absolutely love (most of) the people I work with, and I feel like the next months revolve around staying home and either being incapable of doing things or not be allowed to do things. People can say, oh bring your baby--no way! Until the baby is past it's shots---no way am I bringing it out in public--NO WAY.

Ultrasound is Thursday at 9 and I have the doctor on Friday and that is when we will prbably schedule the c-section. Although I am still torn about doing it naturally--just so the recovery is easier.

And my feet swelled for real for the first time last night!!! EEK.

36+ 5 days

I almost want to figure out how many days post 6 day transfer I am at to make that the title of this post.

When I went to the doc last week, he said I would still be pregnant in a week--after a kind of painful (who knew) cervix check. I thought he was just supposed to look in and see what was going on. He said that text book with a polyp does not mean I have to have a C Section- that I could deliver vaginally and if I start bleeding--than I could switch to C section. Not just the risk of bleeding to death, but also the idea of doing both a c section and labor=seem horrible. He said he could make an argument for either. Neither one seems appealing.

And then in the midst of everything--I just read something that said my bag for the baby should be packed! I had totally not even thought about that since I know the hospital gives you everything you need--but OF COURSE my baby needs a bag with swaddling blankets and burp clothes--How could I have totally not remembered that?

I had my first hot flash today and the baby was digging into my side--it seems to have moved now. Although the drinking water trick didn't seem to work--the eating ice cream trick did seem to work.  The baby doesn't seem like it has dropped at all, but moving a bunch--and last night it made one movement that made me bend over in pain. I do have this thought that the baby might have bow legs because I feel like the baby sits head down, face forward with one knee on either side of my belly button. Also, I think the baby might have a unicorn horn that he/she is intermittenly stabbing me with. We will see.

Ultrasound at 38 weeks. That is a week from this Friday, we will be able to see the baby again! I feel like I have been pregnant for years and years. You know how people say they can't remember a time when they didn't have children. Well, I can barely remember not being pregnant.