Far Away

I think it is interesting how far away I feel from in-fertility. I just don't think that I can handle another disappointment. LOL, of course I can. I just mean, I feel defeated now, imagine how much lack of hope and faith I will have if I try again and it is not a success? My head just isn't in the game and I just don't care. I still get sad and tearful and cry in the car, but I am tired of talking about it. I am tired of not having what I want (and feeling bad when I complain). I am tired of coming to terms with my life, like this, childless, for the duration. That is why IF we chose to go through an FET I am telling nobody. There is no reason to bring anyone along for this ride. It seems attention seeking and pressured to me that way. If it works then we will share a pregnancy like normal people do, when it is safe to do so. And people will be suprised and hopefully happy. Until then, I remain filled with Faith, but little hope.

Speaking of Faith (and Hope), here is my favorite prayer

Lord, make me an instrument of your peace.

Where there is hatred, let me sow love.

Where there is injury, pardon.

Where there is doubt, faith.

Where there is despair, hope.

Where there is darkness, light.

Where there is sadness, joy.

O Divine Master,

grant that I may not so much seek to be consoled, as to console;

to be understood, as to understand;

to be loved, as to love.

For it is in giving that we receive.

It is in pardoning that we are pardoned,

and it is in dying that we are born to Eternal Life.

Amen.