No Whammies.....

I have to say I am VERY hopeful for tomorrow, although I am trying really hard to keep my expectations low. I know that if I do get a 0 tomorrow, this will be end of this IVF process, but I am more happy than anything else. I was reading a post from a woman who had a bad reaction (backpain) from one of the infertility meds she took and she stopped meds and gave up her journey to concieve naturally. She had some great points. She talked about the idea that even though she will never do infertility treatments again and will most likely never conceive and carry her child, she pointed out that what she had gone through with infertility has taught her things that she would never have learned otherwise. That the experience and the lessons could not have been learned otherwise. I agree with that. Ectopic alone, minus the infertility treatments and shots, has taught me more than I could have ever learned if I had not had an ectopic (which is not to say that I want another one). Also, that is not to jinx my numbers tomorrow. I will maybe one day list what I have learned, although it may be hard to express it.

I ran a 5k once and when I achieved that (which was a big goal for me, cause I never exercise) I felt so great. It is a different type of feeling to have overcome something I never anticipated would happen to me (and really didnt ever give one minute of thought to what an ectopic is). I don't feel great. I feel relieved. More relieved than disappointed. More relieved than anything else.

I read this quote and for me it seems appropo to this (our) loss...

"This is a rule of racing: No race has ever been won in the first corner; many have been lost there."
— Garth Stein (The Art of Racing in the Rain)

My hope---a goose egg. A Big Fat Goose Egg

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