Another example of how I thought I would feel one way, processing grief, and I am wrong. I really thought that this would be a difficult time. It hasn't been. I am still happy that the ectopic is over. And we have some real decisions to make. I am kind of settling into the idea of not having children. I am okay. If nothing changed forever I would be okay. Now, instead of seeing pregnant bellies and being envious, I hear screaming kids, tantrums, whining...all things I could live my entire life without. I know this fabulous older woman who has a great life. She never had children, although she has some step grandchildren in her life now. She travels, she looks youthful, she looks dynamite all the time. She is the epitome of fabulous. If my life turns out like hers I am happy. I can't be defined by this. I know that it seems crazy that we would have gone through so much just to stop. But, I might be perfectly fine with crazy. I am.
My hope, just more of the same is fine. Pure nothingness.
I am a 35 (almost 36) year old with a supportive and loving husband and one fabulous golden fur-baby! After many failed IUI's and a fresh IVF cycle ending in ectopic---We had a successful FET. 40 weeks of disbelief later we are parents to a beautiful baby girl--every moment I spend with our baby reminds me of how blessed and lucky we are. ...read at your own risk. Of course not one thing I write is meant to offend or upset anyone.
No comments:
Post a Comment
Note: Only a member of this blog may post a comment.