Survival of the fittest..

First let me say that I have read some old blogs and how terrible is my spelling, grammar and sentence structure?  It is not all my fault, just most of it. I write like I talk, which is a problem apparently. And typing on the Ipad, is a horrible idea, it lends itself to mistakes and lack of captializing. If anyone actually followed my blog, I would apoligize, but since I think it is just me and the universe, I can deal with my own short-comings.

The other day I was driving in the car with my husband and he was talking about survival of the fittest. And then it hit me. Are we being weeded out? Since we can't conceieve, are we being evolved right by? Again, if anyone read this blog they may find the thought controversial, but it really rang true for me and it has stuck with me.

 I am a million years away from wanting a child right now. I don't know if it is the trauma of the ectopic (not too strong of a word, trauma). Or if I am convincing myself in a protection strategy--it doesn't feel like that though. For years and years (up until we started fertility realizations 2.5 years ago) I never wanted children, openly I would say it, and often. My husband married me with the intention of probably never having kids. I often thought the universe heard me and that is why he gave us the infertility struggle, a be careful what you wish for type situation. I think I am that person again. Just settiling back in to the way I was, the way I envisioned my life. I do have to ask myself, where did all that wanting go? The excitement and hopefulness just disappeared?


Evolution, who would have thought....


My hope for today, more of the same....