Complaining

Whoa--miserable is the perfect word for me lately. The last two weeks I was good and then Friday my morning sickness came back and I was so tired I couldn't get out of bed all weekend. THEN I got a migraine on Sunday night which went away Monday in the late day. In the meantime I called my neurologist who gave me PERCOCET. Like I am really going to take that. Unless it is between that and a trip to the ER, I am going to try and fight it out. I was good all day yesterday (AND SO HAPPY MY MIGRAINE WAS GONE). Only for it to come back at like 11PM last night. I had to cry myself to sleep I was in so much pain. good news is there is a Patron Saint of Headaches---so I prayed to her and I swear--it helped---But today it is lingering around. I know I shouldn't complain, but it is so hard to have so much pain and no end in sight for it. The unpredictability of it really is what makes it more stressful, which doesn't help.

Went to the real OB/GYN doctor yesterday, he is the same doc that delivered my niece and nephew and he is very relaxed (borderline too relaxed), but you just know that there is nothing that is going to surprise him, he has done it all. So, that makes me feel really good. And when I left I did have an overwhelming feeling of--it is what it is and all the worrying in the world is not going to change a thing---this ship has sailed. We saw the baby on the ultrasound--heart beating and it looked like he/she was dancing around. On Monday when I was in the middle of the worst of the headache I said to the baby, "BABY! This is not okay, mama cannot be in this much pain, let's think of you as the tenant and me as the landlord, you can hang out in there all you want, but the less you do to make me less than happy--the better." I thought we had an understanding, but now I am thinking---there may have been a miscommunication due to the baby not having ears yet.

I am sorry to be an infertile who is complaining, I know that I am not supposed to--I am just expected to be happy that we are expecting---but day to day--in the thick of it---that's tough to do. This whole thing is surreal to me at this point. It just doesn't feel like it is really happening at all. Which I attribute to the fact that we had been trying for so long to no avail, that it is hard to shift my thinking.


...so sleepy now (and it is noon)!