Thursday, November 3, 2011

Wednesday-October 26th

Can you say panic attack. I woke up in the middle of the night—my neck went from hurting on one side to both sides and I guess to me that triggered FEAR/ANXIETY/PANIC. 2 am (this is actually Wed Am) I have a full blown panic attack—sweats/chills/pulse racing/mind racing. Really! I was up til about 5 and decided not to wake DH since---what was he going to do ? Chances are I would have just been pissed—which tends to happen when I am in panic mode—short short temper. 

My nurse called to tell me my thyroid looked good. I asked her if the pain in my neck was normal—she said not normal, but didn’t seemed worried as I was about an internal hemoorage. She again told me I could come in again for an HCG, but what would it tell us really? Part of me wants to go in and part of me wants to just be pregnant right now and if I find out bad news on Sunday then that is Sunday---I told 2 more of my colleagues who validated that of course I feel anxious and scared and self protective after the trauma of the ectopic

IN the evening I seemed better—even my neck which has been the worst it had been during the day—relaxed by the evening. It seemed like the anxiety was gone. My mood was better and I was able to get some sleep.

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