Quitting Smoking

I quit smoking 3 years 2 months and 5 days ago. It was so hard. It was hard to give up something that I loved so much and was part of my identity. I still miss it evey single day. When I quit smoking there was this want and desire in me that had never been matched in me before. I wanted to smoke evey second of every day---it consumed my mind. I would get in the car, and think about smoking. I would eat dinner, and think about smoking, watch a movie, look in the mirror, breathe= whatever, evey minute! For the last 3 years all I have thought about is having a baby. When I would have a baby, if I would have a baby. I would watch tv, and something (everything) would trigger it for me. I never realized how much it consumed my thinking--until now. Now, in those same moments that used to trigger me to think about infertility and make me somewhat sad, I am at a loss. Could this be it? Really? Could this be our baby, the one I have waited for, thought about, cried over, prayed for and at times been uncertain if I would ever have? Thinking about it brings tears to me. As nauseated as I am and as bad as my headaches feel sometimes, it is still hard for me to believe that this could be it. I still am so afraid to have hope, but I do have faith.  
I want this baby more than I wanted to smoke when I quit--and if you know me at all, you would know, that seems almost an impossible amount to want something (or someone)!