A different kind of 2 ww

Let me vent first and then move on to my recent thoughts---My financial rep sent me a letter (prior to going on vacation) telling me how I am expected to pay $16,000 before the start of my cycle. I feel like leaving her a message and just saying--"Did you even CALL my new insurance company". At this point I am giving it to J to deal with--but I think I might change my mind on that by Monday.I do want a new financial person though--this woman is not acceptable and is stressing me out.

So, I went for the blood work on Friday--all good--On March 1st I go in for blood work and if all looks good, we start the ESTRACE priming cycle--which hopefully will just be a 8 days and not 2-3 weeks! March 1st is exactly one year from the day we started at our clinic. I found some symbolism in that, although J did not. I think as people dealing with fertility we find meaning with most things---for instance, our insemination is on Mother's Day--that is a sign, or Father's Day, Christmas (all of which I have had either an U/S or insemination) and none of them resulted in anything.

When I went to the clinic on Friday and pulled up (it's early so 99% of the people are all going to the same office), there was a woman walking out distraught with her husband--It immediately made me feel sad. I wanted to go up to her, and give her a hug--and I am not a hugger. Then when I went in to get my bloodwork there was a woman in there for the first time--so much hope, so much happiness and excitement. Two extremes--those extremes exist for me everyday recently. One moment fine, and then a comment or a glimpse and I feel almost in tears. This brings me to an odd realization. Baring any financial mumbo jumbo, these are the last 2 weeks and 2 days medication free. I really want to enjoy these days, they feel light on pressure and almost the calm before the storm. I don't have to go to the clinic, I don't have to have an ultrasound, I don't have to shoot myself with hormones---nothing, but wait--usually during this process I hate waiting--this one I am okay with, for now.

My hope for today ---that one day we will have a child that realizes how much their mom and dad loves them---and even when I am not patient with them, they know that it is only because I wasted all my patience waiting for them to arrive!