Let the games begin...

It seems this is my last night without some sort of fertility intervention for some time. We have paid our dues (literally) and the games begin tomorrow. Blood work in the AM and then probably an 11AM call from my nurse confirming the start of Estrace by one method or another. I am a little melancholy about the whole thing. Less excited than I thought I would be and also less nervous and not at all scared. I met my husband for dinner and driving home I realized, I like my solitude, I like being alone sometimes. I know moms get to be alone, but barely ever I imagine. Of course a baby in the car with my probably won't mind me singing Britney, right?

Maybe this is just my brain readying for any possible disappointments that might come. Although, I have always thought it was funny that I try so hard to not get excited because I think the disappointment will be worse if I am excited. When the truth is, disappointment stinks not matter how hard you try to pretend you are not excited. I guess there are some emotions (okay most, if not all) that are outside of our control. The truth is I have no control over any of this. I say the Serenity Prayer because this whole process has taught me so much, the least of those things has been the amount of powerlessness I have in my life. And even if I try to have control over things, I don't have it. In the past I would get really anxious when I was in a situation I didn't have control over. Not so much anymore. It is one of the great lessons I will take with me when I am far beyond these days of fertility concerns.

My hope for today, that we are at the threshold of a success story.