What a long, strange trip it's been.

Here they are. Surprisingly, I thought I was going to be overwhelmed with the amount, but I am not. It really is just one more set of shots and bigger doses than I had with my IUI's with injectables. Some of the things are for after--anti-biotic, steroids and progesterone.I think I can handle this--I think, for now, in this moment--I can handle this.

I was reading another blog that I follow and she was talking about one of her fertility support group friend's just had a baby. She said when she was holding the baby (who was a PGD baby), she thought, I can't believe you made it through a retrieval a biopsy and became a human.  I had not thought of all the things our baby will have gone through even before it is a zygote! He/She will be a strong, determined, survivor. I am in awe of his/her journey already!

Yesterday I was thinking about how this IVF, our first, is aggressive. ICSI, assisted hatching (if necessary), and PGD. It is great to be really standing at the threshold of having some answers about our fertility (How do my eggs look? Will our embryos develop?). It is also a lot scarier to know that if this doesn't work, there is little to do, except maybe tweaking some meds for the development of more eggs. Few things in life are this scary AND this exciting all at the same time--except, maybe, roller coasters--but they last 2 mins--and this seems to be taking forever. Although, if we are successful this go-round, this will be our last weeks/months of our life as we know it now. The end of a chapter. That is why I am not rushing---well, not that much anyway. 

Our wedding song is, "Have a Little Faith in Me" and my fertility inspiration/coping song is "Faith" by Jordin Sparks. Coincidentally (or maybe not so coincidentally), they both are about faith. Faith and Hope are the feelings I curse and I need everyday.

My hope for today...that our last days as a couple of infertiles..are numbered