5dp5dt

So this AM I had a bad feeling. I had the headache still, which I was sure was an indicator that my Estrogen had dropped. I googled and googled and couldn't find anything about it. So, I called my husband. He said, 'That's weird, I had a bad feeling today too'. He said I should call my nurse and I agreed. I called her and she called me back in like 15 minutes. She said that the migraine could be from the weather, or from the hormone roller coaster, and she said, your Estrogen is coming down, we don't need it anymore, we just need progesterone. She said, when women get migraines it is usually in their first trimester. So, that made me feel better, a little. I want to stay positive, but like I said, I have a bad feeling. Maybe that is me being overly cautious and protective of my feelings. I just can't believe what a differnce a day makes. I have been really positive, throwing caution to the wind in the directon of positvity.

We have to get to a better place with this, stay postive. It has been a long wait, what is 3 more days. I could technically POAS, but I refuse to do that. The negative would mess with me and a positve would mess with me. So, either way, it is better not to do it. Although, today to alleviate stress, I was very tempted.


My hope is to get my hope back.

4dp5dt

...I made it this far and now, I have a headache. That scares me a little. I am scared my Estrogen may be dropping, which I don't think would be a good thing. I am keeping positive though. I had a really busy day at work, so that kept my mind really busy, but driving home, I felt like I might not make it to Sunday! Like I might explode. I have a bunch of great supports at work. Speaking of work, I got that other part time job! My goal is to grow my hours over the next year so i can work just there a few nights a week or 3 days (2 maybe being sat and sun). So if/when we do have our babies I will be able to be home with them.

I have found over the past year I have googled, early pregnancy symptoms, more times then I care to count. I just found the best sight for that....
http://www.countdowntopregnancy.com/early-pregnancy-symptoms/all-early-pregnancy-symptoms.php
It has charts and everything. Very validating.

My hope...grow baby baby!

2dp5dt

I went to write down my pregnancy test date in my planner and apparently April 3rd  is "Mothering Sunday" in the UK. Good sign. Thank HEAVENS I don't have to wait 2 weeks. I don't know if I could stand a 2 ww. I am not going to POAS because that will just mess with my mind. I am so so scared to go on Sunday. I really don't want negative news. The good news though, it's a Sunday so the DH and I can get the news at the same time. Another great things is I have a busy week--my wedding Anniversary is tomorrow and I have a bunch of stuff scheduled so I won't have a ton of time to sit around and think.

Another good sign--I pregnancy calculated and the due date is 12.11. That is my DH's birthday and the anniversary of the day he proposed to me. Of all the days.

I still have acid reflux--but only in the afternoon, and since I am done taking everything except Progesterone, I have found the culprit.

Here's our 1st picture! The one on the right is hatching--that's why it looks like 3 not 2. I'm not embryologist, but I think they look good. Lots of uniform sized cells.

My hope for today--Implant, Implant, Implant. We're ready. We really are ready for some + news!

We saw our babies.....

The doc called me this am at 730. She said, you have a lot of good embryos, they PGD'd 10 and only one came up with genetic abnormalities. This was such fabulous news...and I started to let myself get excited! I said to her, we are a little afraid of twins. She said, if you have twins are you going to jump off the roof? I said no. She said I only recommend one embryo if you tell me you are going to jump off the roof. She went on to say, Of course there is a 33% chance, but you have been trying for a while and been through a lot of treatments, there could be something else going on. So that's when I figuratively jumped off the only roof I intend to jump from and said, 2 it is! I did ask if she could put like 1st in line and 4th in line and she said it wouldn't make a difference, they are all good. She asked me 3 more times if I wanted to pick the sexes...no x3...haven't we manipulated enough? So a really nice embryologist picked. I wonder if they did one and one. As of now though, when this works, I don't think I want to know the sex until our babies are out.

We went in at 830, and again, everyone was just so nice. except maybe the doc, who was a little cold (they rotate), but as longs he does his job, and well, I don't care about his niceties. Best acupuncture ever...so quick, which was awesome. I actually have done some reading on it since yesterday and studies have been done that show up to a 60% increase of implantation if the acupuncture is done within one day of transfer.

When we went in the procedure room, Building a Mystery was playing. When they did the transfer, Indigo Girls was on! I love the indigo girls. love love.They have such a fabulous high tech operation. We saw the embryos in the dish on a big monitor, then we saw her suck them out and then they put the ultrasound on the monitor. We got our picture! I got teary eyed
throughout the process, because those are our babies, and we have never made it to here. I am so proud of us...all of us! Pregnancy test is next Sun! And they froze 6 beautiful embryos!

I have decided to be excited and positive, what is being cautious going to do. So, when we got to the clinic today we got my lucky parking spot! Good sign. When we were driving home I saw that fabulous BMW truck that says, We are delivering someone's baby.good sign.

My hope...sticky vibes. Implant babies....you can do it!

Tomorrow

So the transfer is tomorrow--which means it is a Fresh transfer and PGD happened today. I still have no numbers though. It has to be more than 3 because at 4 they were going to ask us if we wanted to move ahead with PGD. The truth is, we only need one. We have been debating and debating about whether to transfer one or two and we just can't decide. We thought maybe we would take the 1st and the 3rd of 4th best, that way we would have FET possibilities if this doesn't lead to +!

This is kinda funny and made me realize how much our clinic really has us. When we went in for the retrieval they said, the day of transfer we offer laser acupuncture for 20 minutes before and 20 minutes after. We did a study and found there is up to a 5% chance of this helping implantation. It costs $200, you don't have to decide today. Well, this AM I realized I better think about this, like now. I did acupuncture for migraines and it never did anything to help them and I spent hundreds on that! But seriously, how could we say no. Oh, okay, we spent all this money, time, emotional energy, shot drugs into my tummy that may cause cancer one day, but $200--that is where I draw the line. As you can guess, I will have my $200 check in hand tomorrow. The thing I don't like about acupuncture--not the needles--the 20 (make that 40 minutes) of just being/relaxing. don't like it. I know I am undiagnosed ADHD.

You know what I realized, we have been waiting and waiting and prepping and waiting for tomorrow---for over a year. And it is going to be over in about 5 minutes. I mean hopefully it will be beginning, but you know what I mean. We will get the call between 7:30-8:00--they will tell us when to come in. That is also when they will tell me I have to start drinking water so that my bladder is full and they can get a better picture of where they are going to place these blastocysts. I know that a lot of people get pictures. I hope we get a picture.

As far as how many we put in, we are still up in the air. We all know that with assisted hatching there is an increase chance of identical twins. So, if you put in 2, 3 could come out--rare I know--but a consideration all the same. I think I remember that our pregnancy test will be April 3 or 4--they will tell me tomorrow.

I am so proud of our embryos making it this far! They have overcome a lot already!!

My hope for today---favorable PGD results and strong blastocysts that are ready to come to life!

Anti-climatic

we got the call from the nurse and she said we are pushed to day 5 which we know is good news, but no real numbers. Downer. My honey was going to call the doc, cause only the docs and the embryologist have the results. But we took pause and thought, what is driving us to know? Will it make us feel better to know there are 5 vs. 10. It is just an effort to have control over something that we have absolutely no control over. So, for now, we are okay not knowing. The good news is we are still on the course. I asked when we would know if the pgd could happen this month or if we will freeze. And that answer comes Friday.

Waiting....waiting....waiting....



My hope for today, that our maybes are working hard. I am so proud of them so far!

This is a great site to learn about egg quality and to see what we are hoping to see.

http://www.advancedfertility.com/embryoquality.htm

Heartburn

What the heck is with the acid reflux! Thanks Medrol! Geez! This kinda stinks. Fake pregnancy symptoms thanks to the meds tricking my body is one thing. Acid reflux equivalent to a pregnant woman in her last trimester...not okay. Interview went well, but now I need to decide what to do. I may just have too many jobs and not enough time.

I cannot wait for the call tomorrow. I will be in such a negative mind space if it is bad news. I mean what if they call and say they stopped developing? I can't even think of it!

The good news is I am sleepy which means tomorrow will be here even faster. As my dad would say, I am taking the short cut to tomorrow.

My hope for today, viable embryos that have divided and look great!

Report card...

21 eggs
18 were ICSI'd
17 fertilized!

This is great. I feel like we have overcome a bunch of hurdles. I know there is still a way to go so i am avoiding any feelings of excitement. Now I am on the steroid, doxy and Endometrin. Also, I have to take metro gel the night before my possible transfers, which are Wed, Fri and Sat am. Of course I am hoping it won't be Wed...because that would mean only 2-3 embryos made it to day 3. Also, the longer we wait the more embryos we will lose, only really strong embryos make it to day 5. But i guess on ly strong embryos become babies too! I have learned that with male factor issues embryos sometimes stop developing after day 3. I know that a lot of people talk about disappointment if they have to go to FET, but i am okay with it. The stats don't show that much of a difference and my body could use some down time, either is fine with me. Physically the hardest part for me was the retrieval. Emotionally, the hardest part is with the beta test.

I have to admit i am so so happy to be off all that injectable medication. all that post nasal drip has stopped (oh,but it wasn't from the meds, right?). It wasn't the inconvenience of it and the side effects were not that bad, I guess for me they symbolize climbing up the mountain. The peak is the retrieval and it is coasting from here. Almost freeing. We have no control over this part, just sledding down the hill. It is a little weird that what was once in me is now in a lab and that it could be our baby. Talk about the luck of the draw, i mean what if a bunch make it to freeze. And then we decide to unfreeze one two years from now. How are we ever going to forgive ourselves for keeping our child frozen for 2 years! Technically they were all conceived yesterday, but if all goes well their birthdays could be all over the place. Okay, I know, i am over thinking! But it is kinda funny to think about.

I feel really good today. Last night I started to have more pain, but I slept well. I stayed
home because I didn't want to push it. I have my 2nd interview tomorrow, so I have to bring
my A game.

My hope for today, grow and divide, grow and divide. Come on maybe babies make mommy and daddy proud and we will never put pressure on you after you are born! Promise.

Lucky number...

21 eggs! The retrieval went well. I have a little pain on my right side, that is the same side that has been bothering me on and off. A little nauseated when i woke up but the gave me something. I was in at 7:30 to be prepped and out by 10 to go home. I really love the clinic I go to, they are all really nice.

I am excited to hear the fertility report. My husband's sample was good to go...so we are keeping our fingers crosses. We will know more tomorrow.

I cannot tell you how happy I am that this part is over. My cute husband keeps calling me 'the producer'..he is really proud of the number. Adorable.

My hope for today...fertilize x21 (obviously)!!!

The night before Xmas....

I think I have mentioned how much mucous I have been making...I think because of my increased estrogen. Well it all leaked into my chest and now I have a cough. I spent all day in bed, napping on and off and drinking tons of fluids. We go to the clinic at 7am and the retrieval should be around 8:30. We had our final measurements this AM and blood work. I missed the call but the nurse said we are a go....

We have a bunch of emotions, and are excited to get some answers. I know we will get the fertility results tomorrow, but they will at least be able to tell us how many eggs and if they look okay. As a 14 year smoker (2.5 years clean)...I often wonder if my eggs are filled with old 2nd hand smoke.

Well, I am resigned at this point. It is what it is.

I am happy that I am blogging because the last few weeks seem like a blur to me...about to get even more blurry I would imagine.

My hope for today ..that tomorrow goes smoothly and the eggs we get are non smokers.

The Call

Got a call from the nurse.

My Estrogen level was 3,399 (she said to drink a lot of fluids to try to avoid hyperstimulating)

2 Ovidrel shots back to back tonight at 8:30PM
I go back to the clinic for the final count tomorow between 6a-10a
We go to clinic Sun at 7:00 AM
The retrieval should be around 8:30AM

As of now the follicles (which hold eggs) looks like:

Left ovary 7 follices between 17-20 and 2 follicles at 15
Right ovary 9 follicles at 17-20

On Monday we will get our first fertilization report and we will see if any of our eggs/sperm became embryos. We will hear again with the update on day 2 and 3---So, they will know more when they see how they develop.


All the eggs they retrieve will be PGD'd==If they mature in time to biopsied for a fresh embryo transfer it  would be sometime Fri-Sun of next week and our pregnancy test would be April 3rd


If they don't mature in time they will be frozen and we will wait ( the report will come back in 2 weeks). If a FET (Frozen Embryo Transfer)  is the protocol then we wait for my period to come and plan the cycle accordingly for the transfer.

My hope for this post--smooth sailing.

What a difference a few days makes

Everything was going along fine, unitl yesterday afternoon when I started to feel nauseated and my ovaries starting killing me. On Wednesday I asked my nurse if I was at risk for OHSS and she said 'oh, no, we worry about that in th 3-4 thousands and you are at the high 1,000's.  Yesterday at  10AM after I ate breakfast--PAIN. I wanted to rip my ovaries out kind of pain. I started pushing liquids and I felt a lot better. The nurse called yesterday around 3 and said my E2 level jumped to the high 2,000's (which made me not so happy). She said one more day of meds (Thursday night) and she thought the ER would be Sunday.

Last night, after a great dinner at my parents (where I ate way too much) the pain got bad again and didn't subside until about 3 am--when I finally got some sleep. I woke up feeling better and the doctor said the pain (and nausea) is normal. All the follies are at 15-20. I have to say I lost count of how many when the doc was measuring, but I would guesstimate at about 11-12. We better not have over cooked these eggs.

 I ate this AM after the appointment and the pain is back, so I am back to flushing with liquids and starting to feel a little better. I am just going to eat small protein filled meals for the duration. Sunday is the retrieval and I am trying not to stress. I am going to be so happy to get these eggs out (although I realize that the ovaries still may be painful). AND I am so so happy that I have no more 3 injections/night. Bye Follistom, Menopur and Ganirellex! Hello--progesterone, anti-biotic and steroids.

I keep telling myself these things to help me calm down:
                - 1 million babies have been born this way over the past 25+ years.
                - I haven't come this far to turn back
                -"The only things to fear is fear itself"
                - what am I going to do, when I am 80 look back and say,  I was too afraid to go through IVF
                   so I ended up never knowing if I could have my own biological children.
               
As much fear as I have about this whole thing, it is like anything else I have feared. I had a fear of flying (among other things)  for a really long time. It held me back from doing and seeing so much. One day my boss called me and said we had to fly to San Francisco (from NJ) to do a presentation. I was adament against it, but she didn't even hear it. I went to the doc, got some xanax, got on the plane and the rest is history. When I overcame that fear,  a lot of my other fears went away too. The situation made me realize that in order to overcome a fear of something, overcome the thing you fear more. So, I fear IVF, a lot. I fear not only the retrieval, but the possible negative outcomes, I also fear being pregnant, and labor and delivery and being a parent. I have to face them though, and as I do, I will be stronger because of overcoming them.


I hope for today--that I am first thing on Sunday. Like 8am! So, I can get this show on the road.

Easter Bunny

I feel like the Easter Bunny with all these eggs on board. I haven't heard from my nurse as of yet, but I will update later with what my instructions are. It seemed like we had about 9-10 total follicles between 12-14. The doctor estimated it would be Saturday, but it could be as early as Friday. Today I got an email about a second interview....for Friday. I had to ask them to reschedule, which stinks, but I can't be waffling back and forth with them. It would be worse to cancel at the last minute! I am really really happy about being called for the 2nd interview!

The good news  is I feel really good, cold is gone, no pains. I think my ovaries are getting more full so there is some small pangs, but nothing intense. I am nervous about the retrieval, but we aren't talking about 30 eggs here, so hopefully the process will go smoothly and only take about 15-20 minutes. I have been fine in the past with anesthesia, so let's hope that holds true. I could also do without any cramping, bleeding or complications after! Oh and then progesterone suppositories, my clinic used to do shots, but they switched to suppositories, which is a + (hard to believe suppositories are a +). In the past I have been on progesterone 2 times for approx 2 weeks (probably becuase I didn't ovulate during IUI's). It makes me so so sleepy, like too tired to pick up my arms to change the TV channel tired. Like, oops, did I nod off in that meeting sleepy. I guess I would rather be sleepy than bitchy, but let's face it, I am probably bitchy too. With that said, I would rather be bitchy.

I keep thinking about retrieval, but not transfer, because if they retrieve 4 or more eggs than we are doing PGD (day 5,  22 chromosome test) and most likely will be pushed to freeze. I wouldn't mind a FET (frozen embryo transfer), that way I could have time between me and all these meds. According to my clinic's stats the success rates don't seem to change that much with FET's. Although I am  a strong believer in fresh is better than frozen, although experts say veggies are just as goot when they are frozen, so maybe the same is true for maybe babies.

The closer this gets the less real it seems and the more unsure/nervous I become. I sometimes have the feeling the train has left the station. I know this might be me being cautiously pessimistic, but I remember how a few weeks ago I was so excited. And now, I don't feel excited at all. Like my feelings have gone into hybernation mode. It seems the train will stop at disappointment or (cautious) exictement, but until then, I am just along for the ride.

My hope for today---a Friday retrieval--I want a day off work AND I don't want to have cancelled that interview for nothing.


Some cute cartoons....
http://offthemark.com/search-results/key/infertility/

Sunday....Fun day?

The clocks jumped ahead, but for some reason I woke up really early. I went to the clinic already. No wait at all, which makes sense. Looks like now we have 2 follies at 12 and 2 follies at 11...and 18 that are 'small'. I don't have to go back until Tuesday, which is what I wanted. I am feeling like the cold is going away. I had a headache last night, but iced my head all night to keep it from becoming a full migraine. Oh, and I took Tylenol...which is like a placebo pill for me. I am still going to take it easy today.

I was thinking about my follies today. One of the things that sets the infertiles apart from the fertiles...we get to see our babies in their beginning phases, which is really something. I have a faith in my maybe babies. I have faith in my uterus and in my self.


Numbers looked good, everything stays the same, except we add in Ganirelex tonight and tomorrow. So that means we are trying to stop any premature ovulating. Fingers crossed.

My hope...that today, on the monitor at the clinic, we saw my 1/2 of our future son/daughter.

Up, up, and....sick?

Numbers look good, all going up. One follie at 11 and 9 less than 10, 4 on one side 5 on the other. Not the best numbers, but hopefully not hyper stimulation numbers either. We need 4 retrievably sized follicles to make it to retrieval. I am hoping we get there. Unfortunately, I have been feeling yuk. Just a cold with sinus pain and LOTS of post nasal drip. Went yo the PCP yesterday and she said if I rest and drink lots of fluids hopefully it will get better, not worse. My fertility nurse said it is not related to the meds, but I am cynical and think it is related, even if it is just because my body is out of whack.

Meds stayed the same and next ultrasound & blood work is tomorrow. Hopefully I don't have to go back to them on Monday cause it is way out of my way. Had to order more follistom, just in case they keep it at 375 the next 6 days. If I had to gues, if these babies (pun intended) grow to retrievable size then we ER on Friday.

Hope for today....grow follies...grow.

Day Three of Stims

75 Menopur 375 Follistim (oops, did I spell that wrong again). My first u/s is tomorrow and I am so excited to be on the brink of answers. I also have to tell you that on Tuesday night, the moment after I took my injections-that my DH gives me (too happily I think)--I felt immediately better. Maybe it was stress manifesting, or anxiety, but that I felt better instantly made me happy, and feel like a fool. It did make me realize that I need to incorporate more stress reducing exercies into my life. I didn't even feel stressed, but the new job and the stims starting I must have been, right?

No side effects, which is making me very very happy (knock on wood). Although I do feel hot, but that is fine. I can handle feeling hot if it is the only side effect I have. I will post my U/S and bloodwork results tomorrow--hopefully I get to lower my dose of Follistom because 375 seems a little high!



My hope for today---continue headache free--PLEASE!! Oh and since I didn't post yesterday--my hope for yesterday was NO OHSS.

Pain..meds

My pain moved to right above my pelvis today. I felt bloated and horrible. I started my injectables tonight. Follistom 375 and Menopur 75 and the devoted husband goes on antibiotics (the same kind our dog was on for lymes disease)...weird. I talked to the covering RE and there was nothing wrong with the ultrasound or blood work. My RE asked for the ER records to review...I sent the release to the hospital, but as of 2pm they still hadn't faxed them, but I got the go ahead because the all clear was given to me at the hospital and at my appointment today. First ultrasound Friday. They have put 2 docs on our monitoring hours and they have been so much faster lately! Bonus!

My hope ...these follies grow to be a good size, look great, fertilize well, and implant. No cancelations! No snags! No snafus! No problem!

ER...and not the good kind

So, I have mentioned that I tend to be a hypocondriact, right? Today the day started like any other..and at about 11 I got these really weird pains on my side that moved to my back. I made it through til 2 but then I couldn't go to my 2nd job. I had never felt this kind of pain...too intense to ignore or work through. I ended up driving to the ER, where the triage nurse was convinced it was galbladder issues....but after an ultrasound to rule gallbladder issues out, a MRI to rule out kidney stones and blood and urine samples to rule out infection, the ER doc thought it might be the Estrace. She gave me what they call 'super-Motrin and sent me on my way. Not a good way to start an IVF journey. My wonderful husband said, 'I have a feeling this is just the beginning...'. Being a hypocondriact doesn't mean I like ER's or attention....I do like piece of mind, but I was in a lot of pain. It makes me doubt I can handle the pain of being pregnant and having a child. It makes me wonder what I am putting my body through.

On a different note, I volunteer at my church, and we had a teen mass I had to go to. While sitting there I grabbed the book with all the readings and as I was thumbing through the reading I opened up to was Sam1. The story aboutHannah, who was infertile and promised her child to God if she was able to have one... She did and as promised gave it up to God. I sat there and thought about all the times I made instances like this one into signs. You know like, I had to do an IUI on Christmas, that's a sign. So many times, so many stories. And since I still have hope, I did the same thing this time, sat there and came up with baby names. Wondering how Hannah had the strength to give up her baby.


I still have pain, but not nearly as badly. I am going to the clinic 1st thing to tell them what happened...or to see if my uterus imploded...because it sure felt like it did.

My hope ...that I have the strength to do this.

Day 1

I am happy that it is day 1! Although, I have to say the cramps are killing me. I am usually not a cramp sufferer. Two things are going through my mind.
1. If this is just cramps, how am I going to deal with having a baby, since I am not a proponent of pain meds...these cramps are killing me.

2. Parents are a big deal. We are on the brink of something big. There is nobody in our lives who has known us as long as our parent, or has had such an impact. There is a huge responsibility in choosing to be a mom and a dad. And for us this is not something that has just happened or surprised us...we are choosing it....100%. Choosing it and having little control over it at the same time. Eeeek!

I said both these things to my husband and to #2 he said, Jenn, you always say that I know I know, it's a big deal.... I may have been having a moment of clarity, while he was having a moment of playing with the dog. To #1 he said...call me when he/she is getting on the bus to go to kindergarten (thats what he thinks).

Got the call that day 3 is Tuesday...U/S and bloodwork...and then the injectables begin.

Did i say how the interview went? It went well i think and it is an exciting opportunity and i am supposed to call them tomorrow to tell them what i think and then they will let me know the week of the 15th. It is hourly and flexible and the money is really good. It is the kind of job that might be exactly what I need to have a flexible schedule. I am keeping my fingers crossed that it is a match!

My hope for today...that these damn cramps go away.

Estrace priming day 2

Still no headache :)

Although it turns out about 1-2 hrs after I take it I feel kinda nauseated. Not fun, but not horrible and I take it over a headache any day. I did find myself kind of emotional today too. But tomorrow is Friday and Friday makes everything better (and the Jersey shore is on tonight)!

I also have my job interview tomorrow, which I actually studied for??? I wish all I need to pass my pregnancy test is all the research and web-MD-ing I have done. wishful thinking.

Hope for today....that the interview goes really well and it is a job I want!

Day 1 Estrace Prime

Another thing for my June list---I have decided to try-out for a play that I absolutely love in August--Steel Magnolias--I have only been reciting the lines since I was in high school--and perfecting my Southern accent. Even if I am pregnant I might try-out. My acting career is limited at best--but it is an all time favorite of mine. Also, I have decided to go back to school --for another Masters OR to law school. I just don't want to be someone who has their fertility define them. We are going to do everything that science allows us to do and then we are going to let it be....

On a different note I am amazingly headache free after the estrace. I am a migraine suffer (and it seems like so is everyone else in fertility blog land--they should really study the correlation between menstrual migraine sufferers and  fertility issues) and I was afraid that increased Estrogen might affect my headaches. Knock on wood, not yet!

Also, I have been looking for another job for a year now. To get better benefits that I don't have to pay for or to make more money so I won't feel it as much every month. I have a job interview on Friday that I am actually nervous about. Usually I am not nervous at all, but this one has me spooked. We will see. There is not a lot of pressure on me now, since starting a new job in a fertility cycle is not the best idea, but it can't hurt to put myself out there.

I am off to take the miniscule pills that dissolve in your mouth before you can swallow them and watch Greek (which, yes, I realize, I am too old to watch).

My hope for today..that I remain headache free!

So close and yet so far...

Went for my blood work today--doctor said it looked fine. 2mg of Estrace in the morning 2mg of Estrace in the evening --BY MOUTH! Then day one, which should be Mon or Tues, call my nurse. Day 3 blood work and ultrasound then stim drugs for 10 days (probably, but of course that depends) and then, ta-da ==retrival. That seems close. How did it go from seeming forever away to so close? This AM I thought-if they make me wait all of March of Estrace I am not going to be able to wait that long, but now, I can't believe we could be pregnant is April (because if PGD happens, then we are looking at snow babies, since they biopsy on Day 5 or 6). We have decided that if they only retrieve and have less than 3 embryos on day 3 --then we most likely won't do PGD. Although I think it could give us more answers, If we have a BFN on IVF #1 and didn't do PGD, we are just going to end up doing it the next time anyway.

Speaking of PGD I went to a local bakery to get my coffee after blood work today and there were these 2 boy (maybe 9-10) with their dad. They were totally acting up--pressing their face against the glass and complaining about cheese in their danish. I try not to silently judge parents since I will be one soon (hopefully) and I don't want to believe other grown ups are judging my parenting skills. Anyway, when I got in the car, I thought, here I am on the brink of being able to pick the gender of my baby--and 2 boys, seems, ummm, scary. Then I thought, maybe we should pick, either we will or a embryologist (that I won't even meet) will, but I feel comfortable with choosing the best 2 (and I still believe, as said in earlier posts, that if they are all the same they do one of each). I know, I know, I will be happy as long as they are healthy--even if they press their faces against glass, in a bakery, with lots of strangers around...silently judging.


My hope for today, that my fellow fertility sisters--find peace in their hope tonight.