What a difference a few days makes

Everything was going along fine, unitl yesterday afternoon when I started to feel nauseated and my ovaries starting killing me. On Wednesday I asked my nurse if I was at risk for OHSS and she said 'oh, no, we worry about that in th 3-4 thousands and you are at the high 1,000's.  Yesterday at  10AM after I ate breakfast--PAIN. I wanted to rip my ovaries out kind of pain. I started pushing liquids and I felt a lot better. The nurse called yesterday around 3 and said my E2 level jumped to the high 2,000's (which made me not so happy). She said one more day of meds (Thursday night) and she thought the ER would be Sunday.

Last night, after a great dinner at my parents (where I ate way too much) the pain got bad again and didn't subside until about 3 am--when I finally got some sleep. I woke up feeling better and the doctor said the pain (and nausea) is normal. All the follies are at 15-20. I have to say I lost count of how many when the doc was measuring, but I would guesstimate at about 11-12. We better not have over cooked these eggs.

 I ate this AM after the appointment and the pain is back, so I am back to flushing with liquids and starting to feel a little better. I am just going to eat small protein filled meals for the duration. Sunday is the retrieval and I am trying not to stress. I am going to be so happy to get these eggs out (although I realize that the ovaries still may be painful). AND I am so so happy that I have no more 3 injections/night. Bye Follistom, Menopur and Ganirellex! Hello--progesterone, anti-biotic and steroids.

I keep telling myself these things to help me calm down:
                - 1 million babies have been born this way over the past 25+ years.
                - I haven't come this far to turn back
                -"The only things to fear is fear itself"
                - what am I going to do, when I am 80 look back and say,  I was too afraid to go through IVF
                   so I ended up never knowing if I could have my own biological children.
               
As much fear as I have about this whole thing, it is like anything else I have feared. I had a fear of flying (among other things)  for a really long time. It held me back from doing and seeing so much. One day my boss called me and said we had to fly to San Francisco (from NJ) to do a presentation. I was adament against it, but she didn't even hear it. I went to the doc, got some xanax, got on the plane and the rest is history. When I overcame that fear,  a lot of my other fears went away too. The situation made me realize that in order to overcome a fear of something, overcome the thing you fear more. So, I fear IVF, a lot. I fear not only the retrieval, but the possible negative outcomes, I also fear being pregnant, and labor and delivery and being a parent. I have to face them though, and as I do, I will be stronger because of overcoming them.


I hope for today--that I am first thing on Sunday. Like 8am! So, I can get this show on the road.