The Tower of Terror

The horror. This has been horrible. The whole experience has been emotionally and physically exhausting. Here are my HCG's since I found out I was pregnant:

4/3/2011	24
4/5/2011	87.2
4/7/2011	289
4/9/2011	545
4/12/2011	1171
4/13/2011	1063
4/14/2011	586
4/15/2011	503
4/18/2011	332
4/22/2011	364
4/26/2011	500
4/29/2011	455
5/2/2011	487
5/3/2011	360
5/5/2011	216

     5/7/2011           320



I got the shot on 4/22! When I got the call on Friday that my number had dropped less than 15% and they weren't happy, they told me to return again on Monday 5/2. When I got the message that it went up!!! I couldn't believe it. Shock and Awe (again). They brought me in Monday for stat bloodwork in anticipation of my Tuesday repeat Methotrexate shot. Monday my DH called the doc and spoke with her and then the doc called me (which was very nice of her--remember I am in a BIG practice). Tuesday I had repeat bloodwork and the beta was in 360--A DROP! Thank GOD, literally. I was so happy. Then Tuesday night I started getting achy, at 4:30 AM on Wed morning I was puking my guts out--called the doc on call (sorry for the 4:30 am phone call). He said to take my nausea medication and he didn't think it was related. I couldn't get out of bed all day yesterday --cramps, a small fever, emotions going crazy and a migraine by the end of the day. When I woke up this AM, I felt better. Finally, like a new woman, I just think yesterday was one last push. Of course I still have 0 bleeding, but something must be going on. When they did the ultrasound today the doc couldn't see the mass, but did see a small amount of free fluid in the cavity, which I think means that the little sac is gone. He said it is could be breaking up, but it didn't just leave (whatever). I am in less pain, my right side feels a lot better. Every now and then a little something, but a 40 % drop is huge today! I am so happy. Sad, but happy. I can't believe that I would  have been 9 weeks pregnant on Mothers Day and now I am hoping for this pregnancy hormone to be gone.

While I was waiting for this HCG to drop (although I had little faith on Tuesday am and was sure that another shot was going to happen). I started picturing things that go down, thermometers, hills, and then it hit me-The Tower of Terror at Universal Studios. The elevator that goes up and drops and up and drops. That is this. When I went to Disney this Dec, me my sister, brother and law and their 2 young children (8 and 9) got in line. We went through the little video and continued in line. When we were outside the elevator next to enter. I wanted OUT. Lucky me so did my 8 year olf nephew, we opted out. And we got to take a regular elevator to the exit of the ride. It was awesome. Couldn't have been happier to be off the ride line. I know that this number will end at the bottom, but opting out would be great.

My new mantra is, it's just a matter of time. Even the doc said she has faith in our frozen embryos (obviously strong from the fight that is going on inside my tube). It's just a matter of time until we have our baby. I can't imagine going through this again and there were a lot of times I have thought if I am not strong enough for this ectopic, how can I be strong enough for a pregnancy. But the other side of this is over the last few weeks when I thought I couldn't do this, couldn't get through it, I did. I have. I will. Part of me is happy (kinda) to be on hiatus until Aug/Sept. I think we need time to mourn our baby. And to recognize how strong we are as a couple. Which we are, my poor husband has seen me at my worst over the past few days, the bottom. He is truly the best. I will dedicate a wonder and amazement entry to him on a different day.

My hope for today--that we are nearing the end of this scary ride.