WTF appointment

So, we saw the doctor. Who is very nice to talk to and only made us wait about 20 minutes. Here is what we learned

·         That the chance of an ectopic is 1% in the general population and although there are studies that say there may be an increased risk with IVF, those are older studies, when they didn’t gauge how much air and pressure they used. Our doc said she watched the video and feels confident that they were resting comfortably when placed.

·         She stated that if we HAD NOT done PGD she would probably have assumed there was something genetically abnormal about the embryos, because genetically abnormal embryos can sometimes wander. Since these were PGD’d she can say that is not the case here.

·         She said there are studies that say embryos can float around for up to 24 hours after they are transferred—some studies have put video cameras in animals to find that out.

·         She said that with a low beta that could have been an indicator of an ectopic, but they have to use cauton in making determinations (obviously)

·         My DH said he was concerned if we transfer 2 embryos at the FET then one could end up ectopic and one could end up in utero. She said that is VERY VERY rare, but they have operated to remove the tube and save the in utero pregnancy in the past.

·         She feels confident that there will most likely not be another ectopic, and just because these embryos didn’t work, doesn’t mean that the frozen embryos will not work.

·         She said that one ectopic does not mean that my uterus has any problems. She did say she is going to do a quick biopsy in July just to make sure there are no underlying infections that could be making my uterus an unwelcoming place (she said this is really a precaution and she thinks she will find nothing).

·         She guaranteed me that I would start bleeding sometime. She also said that the last few HCG’s have been consistently dropping and hopefully that continues on Friday. If it stagnates or increases another shot is going to happen Saturday.  She said they don’t like to do Methotrexate and then surgery; they like to do one or the other. She thinks that it will not rupture (although she said anything is possible).

·         She briefly described FET. Saying that we will try to do it naturally and link it up to my cycle. No prime cycle. It would be from the day I ovulate + 6 days that  they would transfer.

·         She said that the survival rate for our embryos is 95% (She said closer to 99%, but they report at 95%)--they will thaw them the day of the transfer. She said she wants to feel confident that the lining is good before she does the FET, so she will not hesitate to cancel if she is not sure the lining looks great. She doesn’t want to waste embryos.

·         My lining has been increasing (a lot) it went from a 2 to a 14 in 2 days (and that was as of 1.5 weeks ago). She said that she wasn’t sure why that was happening, but when the HCG drops, bleeding will start. If the lining was thin she would think it was reabsorbing, but with a lining that is increasing, she expects to see bleeding. Again, she assured me I would bleed.

·         I said that I didn’t think this number was going to be down until the end of July, she thinks that it will be dropping and I will have my period by the end of June.

·         She believes whole-heartedly that only one embryo took and one did not.

I love the clinic/practice I go to. In general though, I feel there are no real answers. There are studies, but this is more of a sit around and wait scenario. I feel confident that we are in a good place. We learned we have good embryos, we learned that our embryo can implant and stick around. What I meant to ask and I didn’t was, what are the obstacles our embryos still face? What are the barriers that could hinder us from making it to live birth? Except, even when as write that I know there are a 1,000 answers, none of the answers is definitive. So, I guess it doesn’t matter.

One thing I have learned (I mean I intellectually knew this, but now I KNOW it)... we only know what we know and sometimes what we know is indicative of nothing. Next time, if I have a low beta or a high beta it doesn’t matter, because high could be good or bad and low could be good or bad. Even no beta, what does that mean, it just means that time didn’t work. It says nothing about the chances of the next set not working.  I guess this is me finally realizing my lack of control in this and most things. I needed this lesson. I needed to know this…really believe and experience it. This whole  process has been cathartic, for a host of reasons. With that said, I will always be  sorry and carry a sadness that we won’t  have our baby in December, that will always be true.

My hope for today---that our numbers are going down.