I wonder sometimes as I walk down the fertility (as in - in) path if the more failures I have the less I will care about the process. This process has been filled with hypersensitivity, if I have another ectopic will I be like, well, here we go again, no big deal. If I implode I implode! Just like anything else I have become de-sensitized to the idea of IUI-IVF-Stim drugs-medications, and on and on. What is amazing to me is, if you had told me I had to deal with this ectopic process I would have told you I wouldn't be able to handle it. But, as humans, we are forced to face what is in front of us and to trudge on. So, if tomorrow I have to get another shot. What am I going to do, run out of the office and wait until I blow up? Nope, forward motion. Forward motion is everything.
This brings me to my next point---The June list revisited. Since I can't really have a June deadline I guess I get none of the stuff I wanted (thanks to the Methotrexate imposed Limbo). I think I deserve all of it, but this sucks. No jeep, no trip to Colorado, no picking up the old smoking addiction. And moreover, no baby. This must be what it is like to fall in a pile of crap and have to walk 5 miles home. It stinks~
My hope for today, while following the forward motion of things I don't fall in a pile of crap... again.
I am a 35 (almost 36) year old with a supportive and loving husband and one fabulous golden fur-baby! After many failed IUI's and a fresh IVF cycle ending in ectopic---We had a successful FET. 40 weeks of disbelief later we are parents to a beautiful baby girl--every moment I spend with our baby reminds me of how blessed and lucky we are. ...read at your own risk. Of course not one thing I write is meant to offend or upset anyone.
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