Not a Good Friday

Today sucked. I felt nauseated and light headed starting at like 11. I am an anxious person so I just tried to work through it. I came home at 2 and called the clinic. They said they had me scheduled for more bloodwork and an ultrasound tomorrow---not a good sign in this situation. I spoke to a nurse, not mine, but very nice, and she told me to come in. I went in and they did the ultrasound with two docs (one said he saw a 6mm mass and the other saw nothing). The one who saw nothing is the one that did the transfer. Either way the number went up 10% so it is up in the 360's. They said to do the Metho shot, and we did. I go back on Tuesday, and they expect to see a 15% increase and then 3 days later they will expect to see a 15% drop--the long and short of that is, a week from today I will be in this same position as far as numbers as I am now. Methotrexate means 3 months from today we would technically get to try-July 22 . The lab closes for the month of July so they said if there was a good time to do the shot this was it. We go away in August, so it looks like we are not going to go again until September. We can't take the chance of dealing with an ectopic while we are away. Just too risky.

I have been fine emotionally all week, but today after the shot not so much. The nurse said it is a drawn out process now. She said she just gave results to a woman who had her metho shot in Feb, today she was at 0--Today is April 22nd. Of course our number is in the 300's, but since nothing is typical, I am not going to try and guess when my number will be at 0. And of course we still have to make sure it doesn't rupture---which it better not!!! The nurse we were with discussed how she had her babies with IVF and the first time didn't work, but the second time did (although her second cycle was fresh not frozen).

 I saw what the doctor thought was the sac (and yolk) in the tube, and it did look like a little sac. I feel the need to tell this baby that it has to go. Please pass on your own. I want this to work and I don't want surgery. Which may seem selfish, but I need this part to pass. This is so horrible just when I think I can start to feel better it seems to keep going. All I want now is a 0---a 0! All those months I had a 0 and didn't want a 0--now all I want is a 0.

I thought my psychic was wrong the moment I heard about the shot, but the truth is, babies transferred the end of Sept are born in July.


my hopes= no side effects from the shot, no rupture, no cramping, and a big fat 0.