Ramble On...

I think I have been a real trooper through all this. Even if I am still in it. Tomorrow is the beta and I am hoping for a 0---but let's face it, I will be happy if it is under 200. Anything under 200 will do, but 0 would be a really good number too. I google imaged infertility and this picture was one of the results.

 WTF---I get what the message is supposed to be, but when does this scene actually happen. In real infertility land the woman would have two reactions (both of which would come from the bathroom) screaming or crying. Or at least that is my experience. I find with my husband he doesn't mind looking at these sticks, BUT he would never put his face that close to one.The bigger question for me when I look at this picture is, how many days past retrieval is she?

I hate infertility, and I know hate is a strong word, but in this situation I don't think it is strong enough. You know when you haven't experienced something it is so easy to have a feeling, reaction, opinion, etc. about it. Then if/when you experience it, it doesn't feel like you thought is would. I think I used to have opinions about IVF, without even realizing it. Not that I ever thought it was bad or anything, but I would wonder about how it would be to know that your baby wasn't made on it's own or if it would feel wrong (in the spiritual sense). All those ideas are gone now. Also, I used to hate to go to the gynecologist, the whole idea of it and how uncomfortable it was. Not now, since I have the stirrup experience so much the gynecologist is the equivalent of going to the bank, really.

This post was really just rambling, sorry.

My hope remains the same, please come down number, like a lot would be great--hope hope.