March 20th--the anniversary of our retrieval. It is so different from this vantage point--if I had only known then what I know now it would have saved me a lot of ---feelings. For better or worse. I have grown so so much over the past year and now that my future is filled with learning experiences based in child-rearing-- I hope I am able to rise to the occasion. I am blessed to have a husband who is a partner--even if he did try to get me to sign a contract that said he only had to change 10% of the diapers. I know that I couldn't do this alone--I mean I guess anything is possible--but I would rather not.
My tummy is so big now I am convinced I am having a toddler! I have my dr appt on Friday and I don't think he is going to be happy with the weight gain--and then I have to scheudle my gestational diabetes test--which I am kind of nervous about.
I bought an at home blood pressure machine to put my mind at ease about preecalmpsyia---my BP is normally low and that is what the at home meter said--when my husband checked his--it was high--like 140/90---so we went to the pharmacy to pick up a script (not for BP) and we used the machine there and again mine was low and his was high--he checked it again this AM and it went down (a little). So my peace e of mind turned into something not so peaceful for him---
Baby is moving around and my shower invites are out--which makes me nervous about my registry--so overwhelming!
I am a 35 (almost 36) year old with a supportive and loving husband and one fabulous golden fur-baby! After many failed IUI's and a fresh IVF cycle ending in ectopic---We had a successful FET. 40 weeks of disbelief later we are parents to a beautiful baby girl--every moment I spend with our baby reminds me of how blessed and lucky we are. ...read at your own risk. Of course not one thing I write is meant to offend or upset anyone.
Tuesday, March 20, 2012
Thursday, March 8, 2012
Shredding
I was cleaning out our medicine closet --in which I keep every medication and every Rx handout I have ever gotten. I am big on going to the doctor, but not big on taking the medication they prescribe. Which left me with a bunch old Rx paperwork and pills to flush. Then I have this whole section of INFERTILITY medication. And needles and syringes. And a lot of paperwork...All of it will expire before we would ever think of another FET--so, it's destiny is to be shredded. I put all the paperwork in a big bag and brought it to work to shred. In the bottom of the box I found the ID bracelet from my FET on 3/20/11---and I thought--SHRED! I don't need to keep the memories I thought would end up in my baby's memory book, but ended in the heartbreak of an ectpoic. SHRED!
As I was standing at the shredder---I finished what I thought was my last piece of paper to shred and there it was at the bottom of the bag glarring at me. The ID bracelet. Which made me think again---and then it clicked. 3/20/11 wasn't just the day that the egg that ended up the embryo that ended up ectopic was retrieved. It was the day the egg that made the baby that kicks me at night and craves Special K at 3 am was retrieved. It could end up being the day that all our children were retrieved--and it is with that perspective that the bracelet got promoted from SHRED to baby book---where it was destined to be, eventhough I couldn't see it that way (for a while)....
As I was standing at the shredder---I finished what I thought was my last piece of paper to shred and there it was at the bottom of the bag glarring at me. The ID bracelet. Which made me think again---and then it clicked. 3/20/11 wasn't just the day that the egg that ended up the embryo that ended up ectopic was retrieved. It was the day the egg that made the baby that kicks me at night and craves Special K at 3 am was retrieved. It could end up being the day that all our children were retrieved--and it is with that perspective that the bracelet got promoted from SHRED to baby book---where it was destined to be, eventhough I couldn't see it that way (for a while)....
Thursday, March 1, 2012
Pressure
Today (and yesterday) I had what I think is round ligament pain and the baby must have moved lower because I feel a bunch of pelvis pressure on and off. The baby is moving around a bunch though so that makes me happy. When I got to work I started to feel light headed so I decided to come home and work from home/take a sick day. It might have just been anxiety making me light-headed, who knows. I do think all these hormomes relaxing my muscles could be playing a role.
I watched the end of one episode of BABY STORY--I have not been doing this--for years, for infertility reasons and now because I don't need to see people in pain pushing babies out--no thanks! When the woman got to the end of her laboring I had an automatic crying response. Not that I was sad, but really I couldn't control it. It was an odd sensation--very odd.
Today one of the people above me at work wrote a snitty email to me--and it usually would make me so infuriated--but I have to tell you, I don't care anymore--I can feel my priorities already changing. I was literally like--whatever--this is your issue not mine. I have other things to worry about--like is that pain on the right side of my pelvis round ligament pain or a foot.
...and it felt really good.
I have been letting myself get excited about meeting baby. My registry is still overwhelming. And I still worry at times that something will happen to our baby--but not as often and not as intensly.
I watched the end of one episode of BABY STORY--I have not been doing this--for years, for infertility reasons and now because I don't need to see people in pain pushing babies out--no thanks! When the woman got to the end of her laboring I had an automatic crying response. Not that I was sad, but really I couldn't control it. It was an odd sensation--very odd.
Today one of the people above me at work wrote a snitty email to me--and it usually would make me so infuriated--but I have to tell you, I don't care anymore--I can feel my priorities already changing. I was literally like--whatever--this is your issue not mine. I have other things to worry about--like is that pain on the right side of my pelvis round ligament pain or a foot.
...and it felt really good.
I have been letting myself get excited about meeting baby. My registry is still overwhelming. And I still worry at times that something will happen to our baby--but not as often and not as intensly.
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